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God Bless America

(There Will Be A Slight Delay While the Latest Headlines Are Gathered )

Children are a great comfort in your old age-- and they help you reach it faster, too.

One sign of middle age is when all you exercise is caution.

Somehow it doesn't sound right to go over the river and through the woods to grandmother's condo.

Old age is when you finally know your way around, but don't feel like going.

"I've been paying into a pension plan that allows me to retire at 55 on two thousand a month. Yesterday, I found out they meant calories."

Who's Young?
"I think the time has come for me to turn the reins of the committee over to the next generation," said Armed Services Committee chairman Strom Thurmond, on the eve of his 95th birthday. His most likely successor was 70 year old Senator John Warner of Virginia.

***

FOR ALL THOSE BORN BEFORE 1945

WE ARE SURVIVORS! ! Consider the changes we have witnessed:

We were born before television, before penicillin, before polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, plastic, contact lenses, and frisbees.

We were before radar, credit cards, splitting of atoms, laser beams, and ballpoint pens; before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip-dry clothes, and before man walked on the moon.

We got married first and then lived together. How quaint can you be?

In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of." Bunnies were small rabbits and rabbits were not Volkswagens. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeanne, and having a meaningful relationship meant getting along well with our cousins.

We were before house-husbands, computer dating, dual careers, and commuter marriages. We were before day-care centers, group therapy, and nursing homes. We never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt, and guys wearing earrings. For us, time-sharing meant togetherness--not computers or condominiums; a 'chip' meant a piece of wood; hardware meant hardware; and software wasn't even a word!

In 1940, -"made in Japan" meant JUNK and the term "making out' referred to how you did on your exam. Pizzas, McDonalds and instant coffee were unheard of.

We hit the scene when there were 5 & 1O stores, where you bought things for five and ten cents. Ice Cream cones sold for a nickel or a dime. For one nickel, you could ride a street car, make a phone call, buy a Pepsi or enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? A pity, too, because gas was 11cents a gallon.

In our day, cigarette smoking was fashionable, GRASS was mowed, COKE was a cold drink, and POT was something you cooked in. ROCK MUSIC was a Grandma's lullaby and AIDS were helpers in the Principal's office.

We were certainly not before the difference between the sexes was discovered, but we were surely before the sex changes; we made do with what we had. AND, we were the last generation that was so dumb as to think you needed a husband to have a baby!

No wonder we are so confused and there is such a generation gap today!

BUT WE SURVIVED!!! What better reason to celebrate?

Could That Possible Be Me?

Somewhere around my 48th birthday, I began receiving solicitations from AARP tellling me I would soon be eligible for membership in the organization. "No way... not me!" I thought. "Not yet ready for the farm," as they say. Before long, however, there I was pulling out my card for the 15% discount at a motel. What was that saying? "Discretion is the better part of valor?" The AARP Bulletin, however was for the older folks -- especially the "Shoppers Corner." Florida retirement homes, large print glasses and all that. Not for me at all!

That was just barely over a decade ago, but the "Shoppers Corner" is still not for me. That is until I saw an ad for one of those hospital type "Flex-A-Beds" which read in part, "Relieves discomfort of: Arthritis, Acid Reflux, Swollen Legs and Feet...." "O my God," I thought, "Some of that sounds pretty good!"

I told this in church and there was entirely too much laughter from the "forty-something" crowd. "Hey," don't laugh kid," I wanted to say to one fortyish guy on the front row, "Be careful what you laugh about... this last decade whistled by pretty quick!"

Well. This is no "old foggy" here buddy. I'm cool, contemporary, with it! Yesiree... I jumped right on the internet last night and ordered me a bunch of brochures from Arkansas where they say taxes are low and housing is affordable for retired folk! [jpj]

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